Lily the Tomboy and Prankster of Hogwarts
by starborn
Summary: This story tells the tale of laughter, love, truth, and loss. Join Lily, Lee, and MWPP in this hilarious story. LJ!
1. Diagoon alley, McGee, and pink hair

Lily the tomboy and prankster of Hogwarts – A Prequel to Harry Potter

Chapter 1 – Diagoon Alley, McGee and pink hair.

I woke up, and remembered. Lee wasn't going to be there in a week. The only person, who'd ever been able to understand me, was going away to a BOARDING school. Lee (Or Leanne - but don't call her that unless you want to be punched repeatedly and a have HARD chairs coming towards you) has been my best friend since pre-school. Inseparable since we both learnt that each were different. You see...we weren't exactly normal girls. While most girls our age were playing with Barbies we were learning martial arts. When most girls were gossiping over boys we were fencing in the back yards. Our first carpentry job was a tree house. We were so very proud! Until it fell down when we were doing the walls. We each broke our arms. Badly actually. The bone on each of our demolished limbs was poking through. I calmly walked up to my mother and said "Mum, I think we're bleeding." How I cherish that look upon my mothers face! We now have identical stitches, and while we were bleeding did the ritual for blood sisters. Lee's mother wasn't much calmer than mine. But we got a whole HEAP of ice-cream! Mmmmm Ice-cream...

I ran over to Lee's house, deciding to call on her and go swimming in her pool, or should I say that WAS what I was going to do. Until the owl came swooping in the window, I was doing pretty well. I had actually managed to FIND my swimmers. There was only one word to describe my room – a dump. Literally. EVERYTHING I owned was stacked on the floor, pushed to the side to create room for my fencing practise that morning. I looked cautiously at the owl. I knew that owls didn't fly around in broad day-light – so I was surprised. Something I hate, being surprised I mean. Then I noticed something even stranger. It was carrying a letter in its beak. This was strange, 'cos owls aren't carrier pigeons, just in case you haven't noticed.

I snatched up the letter. Good one Lee. Last prank of…I didn't want to think of that. Lee and I were always playing pranks on one another.

I read the rest of the letter   
  
_'You have been accepted to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry'_ Yada Yada Yada... _'Since you are Muggle born'_ where in hells bells name did she come up with this stuff? Muggle! Hilarious word. It is very ingenious of her. I have to admit _'I professor McGonagall will come and pick you up. Come to the corner of your road and I will explain everything'_ okay THAT'S the bit I was waiting for. I grabbed my pink (her (and my) least favourite colour) hair dye and ran out, clutching the letter so she couldn't deny anything which she would anyway. 'When in doubt, deny everything' that was our motto. _'Corner of your road'_ I read again walking fast. She'd be waiting there for me. I sneaked past the wall and without looking around the corner I gently squeezed my 'trigger' Pink filled the air. I looked round the corner ready to laugh out loud at her pink hair when I saw, not Lee but a young lady with pink (and black showing through) hair. I gave a sharp intake of breath. Yikes. NOT what was meant to happen. "Oops." I said aloud. The lady turned around. "I'm dreadfully sorry. I didn't mean to do that!" I said she surveyed me critically. "What, may I ask, did you not intend to do." She asked me. "Turn your hair pink." I said, and watched her face become slightly tinged with pink. It was actually almost the same colour as her hair. I almost laughed, but realised my situation wasn't good.   
"I" she said "Am professor McGonagall"   
I cracked up  
  
"What is so funny?" She asked me. I was leaning against the wall for support and tears of mirth were rolling down my face. I finally managed to regain control of my voice-box. "Sh-sh-she hired an" there is stopped and couldn't continue as I was howling with laughter." Ms Evans stop that IMMEDIATELY" She roared, this only served to make me laugh harder.

I was waiting for a confession that she really was a hired actor. It never came. Not like I cared. It just meant she was a really good actor. "Ms Evans, if you do not stop that cackle IMMEDIATELY I will see to it that you won't laugh for a while!" I was laughing too hard to register what she was saying, but suddenly, I wasn't laughing, I felt incredibly depressed, something I had never experienced before. What the HELL had this lady done to me?

"Much better," She said as I stared open mouthed at her. 'Whassa?" I said completely stunned. "I put the depression charm on you." She said as though talking to a three year old. "The whata, whata?" I asked her, now that my brain was debating over wether I was dreaming or not. The lady sighed and I SWEAR she murmured "This ones going to be trouble," but at that point, I didn't really care, and I just wanted to know how the hell magic could exist. 'It couldn't' one of the five voices in my head was saying. 'It could' one of the others said. 'I NEED FOOD' two others were yelling (They were always doing that), and the last one was squeaking, I should really check up on that.

"Magic is real"   
"Sure..." I said backing away from the obviously deranged person.   
"No! Look." She said producing a stick. "This is a wand."   
"Looks like a stick to me." I said   
"Can a stick to this?" She asked me pointing the 'wand' at her head. Her hair changed to black.   
"Fine," I said "It's a stick that can pour black dye from it, can I buy it off you?"   
"NO!" She said exasperated with me. "But if you come with me I'll show you a place where you can get one."   
"Sure lady," I replied "Right after I go feed my pet dragon." She went red "And I _don't _think it was from amusement._  
_  
  
"LOOK YOUNG LADY!" She roared at me "MAGIC IS REAL."   
I gave an affirmative nod. Deciding I'd humour her, after all, no-one knows the hardships people like this have experienced.   
  
Something my mother was always telling me.   
  
She was also always telling me to change my clothes once in awhile. And in that respect I did NOT listen to her one bit. I didn't know how long I'd been wearing this t-shirt for. And to tell you the truth, I didn't WANT to know. Not that I wasn't clean. I had a shower and washed my hair (which didn't take all that long as my hair was cropped as short as a boys) every morning, at seven thirty, after getting up at five to do fencing practice, then for an hour long run and finally an hour of mixed karate (black belt) judo (black belt) and tai quon do (yup, you guessed it - black belt.) This was actually a routine me and Lee had made up together. Apparently (according to various tutors of these sports) Lee and I made a striking team. My red (yes RED – not Auburn – RED) hair and green eyes contrasted (I'm repeating this word for word) with Lees black hair (just as short as mine) and black eyes. We were both short for our age (I'M TALL I TELL YOU! TALL!) Though neither of us would EVER admit to this fact. Our fighting skills took care of anyone who disagreed with our views, including calling me carrots. Something I'd never much cared for. Carrots I mean. The vegetable. Anyway back to the story. My thoughts tend to wander a little.

"Fine, I'll give you proof, since you are OBVIOUSLY not going to co-operate."   
Long word for a deranged person! Maybe she wasn't deranged; in fact, magic being real would make a lot of sense. For example, that time when Tinkerbelle (what kind of person would call their kid Tinkerbelle? Stupid and YES that IS her real name) started bagging out Lee for her part in the soccer team (which had won, as usual, so I don't see why she was upset) and suddenly she lost her voice! Anyway, as I was saying, Magic could, quite possibly, be real. I'd never admit to anyone that I thought this though. I mean what kind of eleven year old still thinks that magic is real?   
  
She took out the stick again and waved it muttering a few words underneath her breath. I looked down, and realised that I was floating. Grinning I said "Wicked! I can FLY!"   
  
The woman looked at me, astonished.   
  
"What?" I asked her, not having a clue to why she was so surprised.   
  
"Why aren't you surprised?" She asked me in return, she sounded slightly suspicious. I gave her my best angelic grin that Lee and I had perfected over the years.   
  
"Oh, that, I've always thought magic was real." I said innocently. I swear she growled at me.   
  
"Then why did you make me have a half an hour debate with you?" She yelled at me.   
  
"Meh, it was fun!" I said. I don't think she was too happy, and if I was at the school I betcha I'dve already got a detention. Or two. Wonder what the record is for most detentions? I'll hafta beat it, whatever it is

At least I knew that I wouldn't be leaving any friends behind. I didn't HAVE any friends to leave behind. The only friend I'd ever had was leaving ME.   
  
Her lips pursed in annoyance, and I could tell she was counting to ten. Slowly. I almost laughed aloud, and I probably would've if it wasn't for the fact that I couldn't.   
  


The spell was too strong.   
  


Ah well I'll survive.   
  


Slowly she managed to control her emotions and said.   
  
"If you would like to bring me to your house and I will explain this to your parents."   
  
"Sure!" I said.   
  
Note to self; lock Petty up in the closet. Petty (Her names Petunia, but I think Petty suits her MUCH better) is my sister who hates my guts. I think it's 'cos I've betrayed my girliness (her words) or some such thing. Any road up, she's an annoying brat who goes ON and ON about how she would LOVE for me to grow up and that I'm immature. As mature girls like clothes, shopping and make-up. Three things that appear only in my worst nightmares.   
  
"Follow me!" I said, I would've been grinning at the prospect of this lady coming into our house and telling my mum and dad all, if it hadn't been for the spell. Seemingly, the lady – McGowan or something – had remembered this at the same time I had as she pulled out the stick, I mean wand, how strange does that sound? Wand! Waved it and mumbled something. Immediately I felt back to normal, on my usual high. I did a double flip and a couple of cartwheels landing on my butt (or buttocks as Petty calls it – sounds vaguely pig like) as usual, scrambled up and continued walking as though nothing had happened. And nothing HAD happened, as I have a selective memory. I only remember things I want to remember. I walked in the door, holding it open for McGee lady, and performing a (slightly – only slightly mind) wonky curtsey, which ended up with me on the floor again. "MUM! DAD!" I yelled at the top of my lung capacity. McGee winced. "I'M HOME AND I'VE BROUGHT SOMEONE TO SEE YOU!"   
  
An hour later and I was off to some weird alley place! ZIPPIDEEDODA!

This sounds really odd doesn't it? I mean why am I so happy about being a witch, going to a boarding school without friends or parents? Well, the fact of the matter is that I'm not much better off where I am. I've always wanted to go to a boarding school. It just sounds so much fun! And as for the parents? They'll get over it. Friends? What friends? The only friend I've ever had was, wait, IS Lee. And it seems fate isn't without a sense of irony (GO THE MATRIX!) 'Cos me and Lee've been called witches for yonks!

Anyhow, I was in the back seat of the car, Mrs McGee was in the front driving me to Diagoon Alley. Hehehe, if I can get two hundred detentions in a muggle school (what kinda word is muggle anyway? McGee told me it meant a non-magical person) what more havoc can I impart upon a school with a wand?

I'd say quite a bit more! 

Finally we got to this weird little pub place. Inside it looked like people were dressing up for Halloween. Quite a few shady characters in there. The barman - John - said hallo and said to Professor McGee   
  
"You know what to do."   
  
"Come along!" She said to me, but I was already in front of her. Anxious to get my first glimpse of the wizarding world.

"Heavenly Tweety-birds!" I murmured, as the wall dissolved in front of my eyes. Everywhere there were people milling about, you'd think it was an ordinary street in London. Until, of course, you looked at the shop names. 

'Olivanders wands' said one extra-ordinary shop. I quickly located the prank shop 'Borgin and Jenks' and headed towards it. Unfortunately Professor McGee noticed where my gaze had settled and pulled me away.   
  
"School supplies first." She said, and I thought for a moment I noticed a sparkle in her eye. Well whaddaya know! The lady HAS a heart! Hehe!

After getting the endless school stuff, I was FINALLY allowed to browse the stores. A thing I would normally refuse point blank to do. But I thought this was different. 

Magerly different. Two words: MAGICAL PRANKS!

I walked into a pet shop and bought an owl. He was electric blue, with green eyes. Just like me. Apart from the electric blue part. Well, there was this time that Lee painted my hair electric blue but I don't think that counts somehow. Then I went BACK to the bookshop to buy a thick book of prank spells. I'd tried to slip it into the checkout area, but McGee had the eyes of a hawk and refused to let me buy it. 

From now on I hate hawks. 

Particularly those with good eyesight. 

Namely all of them. 

After buying the book, and deciding reading it could wait, I went to the prank shop and bought about ten of each thing. There were things I'd never even imagined of! This was saying something. Wet start fireworks were my particular favourite. Imagine what I could do with those! Throw them into peoples drinks for a start. This is gonna be fun! 

Ok. I'm like, oops. Ten minutes late. Damnit! Better start running. Ya know she doesn't look too happy. Nope.

"Where HAVE you been! I've been waiting for you for Ten minutes!"

"I was at the pet shop." I lied smoothly. I don't normally lie this much but I don't think she'd be too happy if I told her I was at the prank shop. Waddya know! I was right! Her gaze softened a little at the sight of the blue owl, I hid the bag with my prank supplies and prank book behind my back. Wait a second. I don't like that look of determination.

"Accio bag" She said. My bag slipped out of my grasp and into her hands. I've gotta learn that one, it could prove useful.

 She was literally smoking she was that angry. 

Note to self: don't annoy teacher accidentally. 

On purpose is okay though! 

After she'd ranted and raved for around half an hour she noticed I was suppressing yawns and took me home. Finally some private study time. Yeah, studying the prank book. (INSERT EVIL LAUGH HERE) Only five days until I would be on my way to Hogwarts. The same day Lee would disappear off into the wilderness. You know, writing letters just isn't the same. I'm really gonna miss her. 

Hey! What a GOOD idea! Painting the house neon yellow is brilliant! 

The little voices in my head may not be real but they have bloody good ideas!


	2. John, Ratty, Sandy, and Dogboy

Lily the tomboy and prankster of Hogwarts – A Prequel to Harry Potter

Chapter 2 – John, Ratty, Sandy, and Dog-boy.

Counting down the days...5…4…3…2…1! YAY! Only one day to go! Wait. I'm not sure if I want to go or not. I mean, Lee's gonna be gone!

Oh bugger.

***

"LEE!" I yelled running out of the house waving madly, not paying any attention to the coat my mother thrust at me.

"Put your coat on!" She yelled "It's Snowing and you're in shorts and a tee!" I rolled my eyes. What's wrong with the cold? When you're brought up in Scotland it's a bit hard to NOT get used to it. I ran straight passed her and into the arms of Lee.

"Don't do anything I'd do!" I said. She laughed and said

"Right back atcha!!"  I grinned back at her. She tousled my hair, taking advantage of the full half-a-centimetre shorter I was than her. I winced, making her smile even harder.

"O shuddup!" I growled at her, she knew exactly what to do to make me annoyed at her, a trait I found I'd miss. Strange isn't it? What you find you'll miss when people go away.

She laughed again, making me even more annoyed. If that was possible. Which, I found, it was. I ground my teeth at her.

"Don't do that!" She said, imitating the high pitched squeak of my mother "Your teeth will be ruined and then you won't be able to have perfect, straight teeth!"

Involuntarily I laughed. Lee could imitate anyone and it would sound exactly like them. That was her talent, and she took full advantage of it. Using it at every opportunity. I covered my ears in mock horror.

"OH THE PAIN!" I said, well, okay, I yelled.

We both laughed. Until we both realised at the same time that we weren't going to see each other again for a long time. Okay, until Christmas, but still, a long time. Especially to us as we'd never really been apart for long.

"Come along darling!" Her mother called from the car, packed and ready to go. I wonder how she managed to pack it so fast. Not enough time to wonder about stuff like this. DAMNIT! I'm not gonna see her for…I DON'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO COUNT!!! Oh bloody hell. Maybe Hogwarts'll take my mind off of it. Not that any friends will EVER replace Lee. I just, wouldn't allow myself to let make them. And no-ones like me and Lee. No-one. As if reading my thoughts Lee said,

"Oh! Before I forget! You HAVE to have made at least one friend in your new school by the time I get back or I'll drop a hint to your mother that you would LOVE to go to that ball thing at your dads work, you know the one where you have to wear gowns, and if my memory serves me correctly, which you know it does, unlike yours which is set in forget mode, the theme for this year is, dare I say it, pink."

My mouth dropped open in surprise.

"You wouldn't!" I screamed.

"Oh no?" She said.

I rubbed my nose sub-consciously. 

(for all you sadistic people out there that don't know what sub-conscious is it's when you don't know when you're doing something.)

"Fine, fine." I said, thinking up names I could feed her. Before I remembered who I was trying to feed. I might just as well try and feed a lion with a carrot.

If you're wondering why I couldn't feed her names, well keep wondering 'cos I'm not gonna tell you!   
  
Hehehe   
  
Okay, fine, I will, don't give ME those puppy dog eyes! I'm the master when it comes to that!   
  
Sorry, the urge you know?   
  
Any way, I'm rambling again aren't I? Fine, I'll stop.   
  
Where was I?   
  
Ah yes!   
  
The simple truth is that neither of us can lie to each other. It just, doesn't work.   
  
It's kind of hard to lie to someone that you've practised lying techniques with every day of your life. To every-one else we were masters in the art (yes, ART, or technique, take your pick.) but we can see right through each-other.   
  
I've just figured out something.   
  
I'm STILL rambling. I'm stopping. I'm stopping, really I am.   
  
"And don't you even THINK of making them up!" She said reading my expressions. Note I said expressions, not thoughts. Expressions are easy to read, if you know the person well enough, but thoughts, on the other foot, are impossible. Actually I'm not sure if anything is impossible now I know about magic but still, I'm not at school yet so I don't know for sure.   
  
"Hurry UP dear or we'll miss the train!" Her mother called again. They were going by train too, but not the train I was going on as the train I was going on left from platform 9 and ¾. I just HAD to get the more complex one didn't I?   
  
Lee sighed giving a muttered "mothers" before saying goodbye again and hurrying to the car, winding down the window as soon as she had hopped in.   
  
"DON'T FORGET TO SEND LETTERS!" She yelled.   
  
I showed her the post-it-notes all over the inside of my coat. On all of them was written in permanent marker:   
  
'Don't forget to send Lee letters'.   
  
She laughed, and I joined her as we both squirted pink dyed water at the other.   
  
Sometimes we think too alike.   
  
I was still laughing as I ran up the road waving goodbye, and still when I walked into my house. My mother gave me a look that said plainly 'You HAVE gone mad'   
  
It wasn't helped by the pink dye on my face, which I knew wouldn't come off for at least two days.   
  
I sobered when I walked into my room; my trunk was bulging, holding only one of the pictures of Lee, the rest was covering the walls. Most other girls have posters of pop-stars and stuff, but I've already told you.   
  
I'm not like most other girls.

In most of the pictures Lee and I were laughing. We do that a lot around each other. Wait, we do that a lot around anyone. Meh, same thing.   
  
"LILY!" My mum yelled from down in the kitchen, "THE CAR'S GOING TO LEAVE IN TEN SECONDS! TEN! NINE! EIGHT!"   
  
"I'm COMING!" I yelled back grabbing the trunk, well, I TRIED to grab the trunk, since it weighed around ten tonnes it didn't life so far off the ground. I grabbed my wand and yelled the anti-gravity charm. It hit the ceiling. I obviously haven't got this thing down pat quite yet. Scratching my head with my free hand I twisted the wand ninety degrees. It hovered gently above the floor. How am I supposed to know which side is the right side and which side is up-side down? It all looks the same to me!   
  
"FIVE! FOUR!"   
  
"I'M COMING!" Sometimes I wish mum had never learnt how to count. It would certainly make life a lot easier. I raced down the stairs and hoping that the trunk would follow me. Turning around to check on it I saw it lightly brushing the steps on its way down. Finally!   
  
"ONE!" The car engine roared to life and was just beginning to go on its way as I tore open the door and hopped in, the trunk hovering above my lap.   
  
Ouch.   
  
Not the best time for my spell to give up.   
  
I swear I have a blue leg now.   
  
I'm sure giving a boy pink hair and a pretty red ribbon will make me happy.   
  
Hogwarts doesn't stand a chance!

As with any departure from my parents, it was tearful, on my mother's part, whiny, on my sisters part and lecture filled on my dads'. What fun.   
  
"And don't forget to leave no evidence that the pranks came from you." My ears, which had numbed after the second word, caught the last part of my fathers' tirade.   
  
"Be good!" My mother called.   
  
"BYE!" I yelled already running towards the sign that said   
  
'Kings Cross Station'   
  
The car trip here had been tedious, and boring, specially when Petty (my sister) put her tape into the machine and pressed play.   
  
Resulting in an onslaught of the worlds sappiest love songs.   
  
Yuk.   
  
I had given my trunk wheels which made it slightly easier to carry. Not a lot but enough so that I could lift it.   
  
I look at my ticket again. Nine and three quarters. Nope, hadn't changed. I guessed it's between nine and ten so I wandered over there. McGee just had to leave THAT out didn't she, that there wasn't a visible platform nine and three quarter station.   
  
I saw a guy with a trunk as big as mine and an owl sitting on the front.   
  
He must go to Hogwarts too! I watched him to see what he would do, I'll follow his lead.   
  
He ran straight into the barrier and was absorbed by the brick wall. Interesting, well, I said I'd follow his lead. I'll do anything once, twice if I like it! I ran straight at it, unconsciously making up an excuse to why I had just ran into a brick wall.   
  
Trolley ran out of control? No too obvious.   
  
I have a pimple I'm trying to squash is a lot more inventive but doesn't make sense.   
  
So how about the lead role in my school play is a Persian cat and I'm going for the full effect of the squashed face look to make sure I get the part.   
  
Yes, perfect.   
  
Unfortunately I have no need of this as I realise I have not hit the wall and am instead staring at a red train with:   
  
'Hogwarts express'   
  
Written on it in gold.   
  
Shame I didn't need it, the excuse was a beauty!

I finally boarded the train, putting away my trunk and wondering who would be my first victim. Finding an empty carriage I sat down and starting leafing through a mag. I came across an article headed:   
  
'What to do if some-one calls you a mud-blood'   
  
Mud-blood?   
  
Interesting.   
  
I skimmed the article, only reading the bits that interested me, but enough to understand that it was a wizarding swear-word a lot like son of a b *tch, used for muggle-borns. It was enough to tell me that any one that called me that would regret it.   
  
As soon as I put the mag down a boy with blonde hair walked in. In fact his hair was so blonde it was the colour of platinum.   
  
"Hi! I'm Lily Evans!" I said, hoping to make a friend. Maybe one name for my list. HE sneered at me. SNEERED at me! SNEERED at ME!   
  
Stu ff him, there was no WAY he'd be on MY list NOW!   
  
"Lily Evans, the muggle born?" He asked. I wondered what he'd say if I said no. No point lying.   
  
"Yup! The one and…"   
  
He cut me off by making his sneer more pronounced and calling me the one thing I'd been looking for.   
  
"Mud-blood. I guess you don't even know what that means do you?"   
  
I grinned coc kily   
  
"Sure I do! And you're an arse wipe. I guess you're too illiterate to know what that means." I laughed openly in his face, that was growing redder with each word I said.   
  
"Watch who you make your enemies Evans" He sat my name out like it was a swear word. I guess he's no good at come-backs either.   
  
I got up, sucked in, and spat in his face. I didn't look back as I walked out of the carriage but my wand pointed at his face, making his hair pink and a big red bow super-glued to his forehead, and just for good measure I made everything he say for the next day turn out in snorts.   
  
A face red with laughter was behind the door when I walked out.   
  
"That was bloody brilliant!" He said, as he pushed his messy black hair out of his way, an action I guess he does at least once a minute

I swept him my most regal bow with the most flourishes and hand movements.   
  
"I try." I said   
  
"You try? You mean that wasn't planned?"   
  
"Not really."   
  
"Cool! Do you wanna come back to the pranksters' carriage?" He asked.   
  
"Sure!" I said, already walking to where I knew it would be. The opposite end of the train to the prefects' carriage. He grinned and followed me.   
  
"I'm James Potter." He said offering me his hand.   
  
"Lily Evans." I said, noticing the amusing look of astonishment on his face.   
  
"Isn't that a bit, well, girly?"   
  
"It's a bit too girly for my liking." I agreed.   
  
He looked closely at my face.   
  
"You ARE a girl!" He said. I laughed.   
  
"Wow, aren't we a right little Einstein." I said, he grinned again saying.   
  
"You're one to talk of little." I would have thumped him if there hadn't been an accompanying grin, I liked him, and he was some-one I could have an enjoyable banter with. Something not a lot of people understood.

He was also (apparently) a prankster, but I don't know, some peoples ideas of a prankster are a lot different from mine.   
  
As we reached the door he gave a bow, almost as elaborate as mine, and said,   
  
"After you M'Lady"   
  
If he was truly a prankster he wouldn't do that.   
  
Unless he had an alterier motive of course.   
  
Which I doubt.   
  
But I took a quick almost invisible glance up at the top of the door.   
  
Not allowing myself to grin I did the shuffle step around the door.   
  
You're probably wondering what the shuffle step is aren't you?

It's a step every good prankster knows, it allows you to go through a door without actually touching the door, therefore not tipping over anything that may have been balanced on top of it.

It is very useful in certain situations.

Especially those in which others are obviously assessing your pranking abilities.

As I have just realised John (I think that was his name – I'm not very good with them. Names, I mean) was doing, he gave me an approving look then followed in after me. I didn't trust that spark in his eye, so I shielded myself with my wand (another useful skill I picked up in the pranking book), and Iwas very glad I did when I saw him doing the same, ad saw the red light coming at me, I had no idea what it would do to me of course, but it didn't look good, probably embarrassing.

I was beginning to think that maybe they were actually real pranksters.

I heard a cough, and ignored it, then a louder one, and then a very loud:

"COUGH!"

And a muttered "You just DON'T know how to be subtle do you Sirius?"

I snorted, Sirius?  What kind of name is Sirius?

"You think something's funny?" Said the same voice hat had yelled cough, oh, so subtly.

"Your name." I said turning around to face them, I saw three boys, one tall, taller than John, with sandy coloured hair and blue eyes, in fact, I realised, they all have blue eyes, but one was shorter than Sandy with long brown hair, tied back in a ponytail, who was glaring at me. I suppose that's Sirius.

And then a small chubby boy with watery blue eyes, a pointed nose, and blonde hair.

Looked too much like a rat for my liking.

But looks aren't always everything.

Far from it in fact, as I could see they all thought I was a boy.

I don't care, wither way, life as a boy would be a hell of a lot easier though, as then I probably wouldn't be called Mosher, bit ch, and all of the other names girls seem to connect me with.

 I Hope I'm none of these.

"What's your name then?" Sandy said, obviously the peace-keeper of the group.

"Lily." I said, and heard Sirius snort.

"Lily? You're saying my name is bad with a name like Lily?" The dog said.

You have to understand that I'm not saying 'dog' as a bad thing.

Just Sirius, the Dog Star.

I was into Astronomy for a while.

I did however feel like kicking him, but I realised that that wouldn't exactly help to put them onto my list.

So I put on outward calm and sighed.

"Sirius, Sirius, Sirius" I said, shaking my head. "Can't you see we are arguing pointlessly? If we want to kill people over our names why don't we try killing those that gave them to us?"

Sandy nodded his head in agreement, "Isn't Lily a bit girly?" He said

John cleared his throat.

"Forgot you were there." I said, still with my calm face on. He glared at me frostily.

"Guys, this is Lily, she" He put emphasis on the she part, Remus' face cleared from confusion, the chubby boy snored from the depths of sleep, Sirius blushed, I don't think he would have blown up at me if he'd known I was a girl, I actually think he's a player of some sort, but as I said before, looks aren't everything.

"Calls herself a prankster, and from her little, display shall we say, of her skills concerning a young Mr. Malfoy." He waited for Sirius' mutters of "Loser, idiot" and other things that slowly escalated into words even I haven't heard of before, which is saying something, to die down, then he flushed scarlet again saying: "You don't mind do you?" I gave an amused grin 

"Why I seem to remember you ready to yell such things at me." I said, his receding colour was brought back up again.

"So you don't?" He said

"Hell no." I said, although I had no idea how he came upon the conclusion that I didn't mind. I think it must've been the grin.

"I believe her." He said, and suddenly a food cart came trundling in. John had just enough time to say the counter spell for the curse on the door before I rushed past him, Sirius, Sandy and a miraculously awake Ratty right on my heels.

We pooled our money to buy everything left on the cart and sat there stuffing our faces, John gave the introductions to me, Rat's' name is really Peter, Sandy is Remus, and John is really called James. I knew it began with 'J'!

"How 'bout we have a chocolate eating contest?" Sirius said.

I saw Remus shaking his head energetically, but ignored him.

"How much?" I said, knowing there would have to be a bet in there somewhere

"A galleon." He said, happy that someone had taken him up on the offer. I was sure I could win though, as the only person ever to beat me had been Lee. She won every single time we did this (I.E. every time we were together – basically once a day.

I got down to eating, eating chocolate frogs, and bars of muggle chocolate (from Peter) faster than Sirius.

He slowed down about half an hour later, but I was still going strong, I knew that I could go for at least another hour before even starting to feel slightly ill, another half an hour and Sirius was turning green, ten minutes more and he was throwing up in the toilet.

"Never again," He said "I will never eat even so much as another cockroach cluster." I looked at him strangely, and continued to eat.

"You don't have to prove anything else." Remus said "You've already beaten Sirius, none of us has ever done that."

"Oh I'm good for another hour or two." I said, and not thinking it slipped out. "Lee would be good for another four or five."

"Lee?" James asked.

I sighed and told them about her, they were looking impressed by the end.

"What?" I asked.

"You did all that with just muggle materials?"

"Yup!"

 "You're kidding." Peter said.

"I swear on the heart of the almighty tweety bird." I said.

They gave me strange looks.

I shrugged, and then told them all about Tweety.

By the end there were signs of tiredness on their faces.

"We will be coming to Hogwarts in five minutes, please change into your school robes." A voice over the loudspeaker said.

Well, at least, I think it was a loudspeaker, but I saw no signs of a speaker in our carriage.

"Now where did I put my robe?" I muttered.

"Try your trunk." James said, covering his mouth with a hand as he was yawning.

"Trunk." I said "Right. Trunk. Trunk."

Trunk.

Now where did I put my trunk?


	3. Underestimation, Jeremy, and a reunion

Lily the Prankster and Tomboy of Hogwarts – A prequel to Harry Potter – First posted 26/8/03

Chapter 3 – Underestimation, Jeremy, a reunion and strange questions.

"Here it is!" Remus said, after looking under Peter's seat for my trunk.   
  
"Thanks!" I said, giving a relieved sigh. Flicking the latch, it blew up in my face. I waited until the last sock had resettled itself on the floor of the carriage before looking for my robe in the mess, which I then remembered I'd left lying on my bed.   
  
"Damnit." I said.   
  
"Too right." Remus said, looking at the jumble of my belongings and clothes, strewn all over the carriage.  
  
"Not that." I replied "I left my robes at home."   
  
He shook his head and said "Well you can't borrow ours; they'd all be too big."   
  
I glared at him, and he looked shocked, like he had no idea he'd just insulted my height.   
  
"I am not short." I replied through gritted teeth. His face cleared and he said   
  
"Sure."   
  
I ignored the sarcasm, thinking about what I was going to do.   
  
What the hell. I'll just go without them, no-one'll notice, they're too worried about the sorting, which the boys knew was to fight a troll.   
  
Can't wait.   
  
The boys seemed to be astonished by this response, but I like fighting, it's fun, and about the only thing I can actually do. Well, without falling over every few seconds.   
  
Actually I can swim without falling over, but that's just 'cos it's pretty hard to fall over in water.

I told the guys what I was doing, (walking to the school without my robes, if you've forgotten) and James and Sirius nodded, as if it was the most sensible thing in the world to do.   
  
Remus was trying to protest but Sirius was yelling his thing about the trolls, and with Sirius screaming in your ear you truly can't hear very much.   
  
The train slowed to a halt and I was wandering around Hogsmead Station aimlessly, tugging James, who was tugging Sirius, who was dragging Remus, who was trying to hold onto Peter in vain, as he got pulled away in the opposite direction by the crowd.   
  
"Firs' years this way!" a faceless voice boomed. I had no idea from which direction it came from, that was the down side of spells that amplified the voice, apparently. It comes from every direction.   
  
Add the fact that I have no sense of direction and was pulling along the rest, and we're all in a fine mess.   
  
We were, of course, saved by Remus, who started dragging ME along, and the rest. He looks puny, but I can tell you, he is actually quite strong.   
  
Coming from me that's a major compliment.   
  
Not that I would say it aloud.   
  
Supple from teakwondo I managed to weave a way through the crowd, avoiding the pranksters, marked by the mischievous glint in their eyes as they were studying the 'ickle first years'.   
  
You will be glad to note that the person who said this left my sight holding his giant nose with one hand, and the other hand clutching the new boil on his butt. A wand makes pranking so much easier.

Apparently Remus had spotted where we were meant to be going, so I let myself be lead through the crowd, backwards, as I let out a steady stream of a dung spell, it produced dung bombs, and as my stock was low from use on Petty I used this instead. As soon as James saw what I was doing he nudged Sirius, and they both joined in, creating a satisfying stream of people holding their noses.

"Cocky little buggers this year aren't they?" I heard a voice say from the crowd. Who's he calling cocky? And I am TELLING you: I. AM. NOT. SMALL! I snarled at him, without noticing.

A face came with the name, a tall boy with a 'P' attached to the front of his red and gold scarf, I'd heard enough from the guys that this showed he was in Gryffindor, and I guessed a prefect. He also looked like he was about to burst out laughing at me. ME! 

I escaped from the boys and lashed out with my foot, which he caught easily.

Stupid!

I didn't retract fast enough, underestimating him. 

Well, that can go both ways. 

I twisted, striking out with my other foot, catching him in the private parts, that'll hurt for a couple of days, a gentle reminder. I walked away calmly, hearing the laughter of his mates, and the muttered

"Not funny!"

Just remembering about the boys, I started to walk briskly, losing my calm slightly at wandering around the same station in circles for the rest of my life.

Groaning in frustration over my tendency to get a little sidetracked, I hunted frantically for the boys, jumping up and down to get a little clearance over the heads in front. Suddenly a hand came out of no-where and grasped my arm, pulling me somewhere.

"Found her!" I heard Sirius say, "Jumping up and down like a…" He noticed my glare and coughed rather quickly, I nodded in satisfaction; apparently he'd seen what I'd got sidetracked into.

Remus and James appeared out of nowhere, looking quite relieved, I was glad of the mask that I had reflexively pulled over my face, looking like that would be more than a little shameful.

"Where did you go? We were worried!" Remus said pulling me into a brotherly hug. 

Great, just great. I've found myself an older brother.

Except he's really not that much older than me, not that it seemed to matter to him. 

I noticed that I was getting quite a few stares, not that it bothers me, I'm pretty used to it, but still, why?

"Why the hell are people looking at me like that?" I asked the guys

"Your clothes." Remus replied. I looked down in confusion, just seeing jeans and a tee.

"No – Robes." Sirius said, putting extra emphasis on the words, like I was stupid or something, I decided to ignore it, seeing as he'd so kindly saved my ass from getting sucked into the evil world of DOOM! 

Meaning he saved me from getting lost, if you're not fluent in the art of me-speak.

I told him that as well, apart from I left him to translate it all by himself. 

Poor ickle Siriuth!

"I am going to ignore that comment, seeing as you so kindly saved my ass from getting sucked into the evil world of DOOM!"

Everyone just started laughing, and we were still laughing when we finally managed to find the Voice. (Yes, my grammar is correct, a capital 'v' for Voice, as it is a person. I think.) Which was owned by a tall women I recognised.

"Pro McGee!" I yelled, she rolled her eyes and completely ignoring me she said,

"Four to a boat please!"

Wait, was that a smile?

No can't be! She doesn't smile!  
  
As soon as it was there it was gone, leaving me wondering if it had really happened. The boys began pulling me to a boat, into which all of us sat down.   
  
"Row, row, row your boat! Gently out to sea! If you see a giant octopus, don't forget to scream!" Sirius sang, well yelled, as we took off from the shore.  
  
"AHH!" I screamed.   
  
"What?"   
  
"Sirius said to scream if I saw a giant octopus, and I can see a giant octopus."   
  
"WHAT!" They yelled in unison and looked at where I was pointing.   
  
A tentacle was rising out of the water, and every-where screams were heard.   
  
I started laughing at the down-right funniness of it, Sirius, after all, had said to scream, and the tentacle slowly started moving towards our boat.

It came closer and closer, and I realised that it was probably being drawn towards my laughter. Which just made me laugh harder.   
  
"Stop laughing!" James whispered to me.   
  
"I...can't!" I said, laughing so hard it was nearly impossible to get the words out. A look of horror appeared on my face when I realised I really couldn't stop.   
  
"That guy...I cursed." I said, it was the only sensible thing I could come up with. No-one else had any reason to want to drown me, neither did he really. It was just a prank!   
  
"Malfoy." Sirius hissed. And James' face went red with rage.   
  
"I'll..." He said, but I never found out what he would do, as he stopped.   
  
The tentacle was within one foot of our boat.

I'll admit it, I was a little scared, but only a little, in fact, it isn't really fear, it is more of a 'Oh-my-god-I'm-so-dead' kinda feeling, if you get what I mean. 

Oh hello, it's waving at me.   
  
"Hi." I muttered, through the helpless laughter, and stretched out my hand.   
  
"What are you doing?" James hissed, knocking my hand out of the path of the tentacle. I glared at him, what the hell does he think he's doing? SAVING me? Oh no! Help me; I'm a damsel in distress!   
  
"Thankyou." I said sarcastically, I don't really know how I manage to make my words sound sarcastic, there's too much laughter. "But I think I know what I'm doing."   
  
Stretching out my hand again, I touched the slimy surface, and it grasped my hand, giving my hand a firm handshake. Well, tentacle shake. "Heya Jeremy," I said, the boys were staring at me as if I was a total loon. Which, I must admit, I am.   
  
"Jeremy?" Sirius asked puzzled.   
  
"It's his name." I replied, still laughing.   
  
"Okay..." Sirius said, amused now that the danger had passed. "Remmy, have you found the counter curse yet?"   
  
"Wait a tick, aha! Found it!" He muttered a spell from a book, and I stopped laughing. Good, my sides were beginning to split.

"Well that was one way to get an enemy for life." Remus said, pointing to an enraged Lucius Malfoy. Hmm, interesting, enemies for life. I like it!   
  
Waving goodbye to Jeremy, the little boat sped on, with the contents chattering 90 to the dozen.   
  
Slowly it grated to a stop, and we all scrambled out of the boat, and onto the sand, staring in amazement at the huge castle, which was to be our home for the next seven years.

Just then James fell into me, both of us falling down onto the pebbly shore, ruining the little private moment.

"Ouch." James said, scrambling off of me. I glared at him, as Remus helped me up.

"Ouch?" I said, "You fell on top of ME, I'm the one that fell on the ground, you know, hard, rocks?"

"Sorry." He apologised, and then turned towards the lamp that McGee was holding.

"C'mon, we'll lose the light if we don't hurry." He said, for all the world as if he hadn't been the one to keep us behind. Shaking my head I followed the lamp, leaving the guys to follow me.

We walked up a hole in a rock, dark and damp, like hot chocolate! However it didn't taste like hot chocolate, as I was to find out.

"Peeves!" Screeched the voice of McGee, Peeved? Who's peeved? McGee sounds peeved, but why the hell is she yelling it?

"Oooo ickle firsties!" Cackled a floating, um, thing…he was wearing a smart suit and tie, but he didn't look smart.

"Heya Peeves!" James yelled, waving madly.

"Potter, shut, up." McGee said, fuming as the thing, which I suppose is the thing that's peeved, started chucking rocks at us. Harmless, I found, as when one went into my mouth it didn't hurt. Of course everyone started screaming. Spitting out the rock, I joined James and Sirius in the waving. Suddenly I got a brilliant idea! Wind!

"James, gimme some wind here, we'll blow him away!"

 Catching on the boys all started to blow, and Remus passed the plan along, so soon all of the "Ickle firsties" were literally blowing him away.

"Nooo!" He screamed as he was propelled from the chasm. "I'll get you for this!" Strangely enough he was looking at me. Putting on my most innocent face I called, "Who's the 'ickle' one now?" A glare was all I received in return.

"That was brilliant!" James said, having to raise his voice a little over the laughter of all of the people in the cave.

"Peeves doesn't like being bested, though. I'd watch out if I were you." Remus said solemnly.

"Nah," Sirius said "I think it'll be fun! Another person, well, thing, to prank!" He rubbed his hands in glee and cackled madly.

"Alright students, enough!" She said, not even bothering to raise her voice, everyone quietened, apart from us and a lone person up the back, we were all still laughing our heads off.

"I said ENOUGH!" She yelled, and slowly we stopped, rolling around on the floor that is, we still came out with the occasional giggle.

"Welcome to Hogwarts." She said, and rapped on a heavy wooden door, which creaked as it opened.

Pulling the door open wide, the teacher stepped through, ushering the mass of bodies in behind her, Sirius, James and Remus made me go to the front with them.

Amateurs.

The middle was a nice place to be, the teachers NEVER thought to look in the middle, they looked at the back ones lagging behind, and at the ones at the front, who were nominees for the teachers choice award (A.K.A teachers pet award), but they never thought to look in the middle. The place was actually quite magnificent, marble staircases, and a huge ceiling, it might take longer than planned to explore.

I'd have to do double time, instead of just doing an hour a night I'd have to do two.

What a shame.

"Welcome to Hogwarts." McGee said, in the monotonic voice of someone repeating a speech that they had practised too many times, or in her case, I suspected she had just said it every year, she looked old enough. Zoning out I began to day-dream (a habit I had when bored) about rabid pink bunny rabbits, and how funny it would be if one appeared on everyone's plate.

Maybe they could bite people!

Being rabid probably wasn't such a good idea then, but maybe a rabid one for that platinum haired guy, what was his name? Drano Malformed? Whatever his name was, it would be hilarious to see him foaming at the mouth, pink foam that tasted like pickles would be good, but then, someone with such a sour nature probably happens to LIKE pickles.

I snapped out of my thoughts as I saw James try to flatten his hair, it was a futile attempt, I told him, but he didn't seem to like that comment.

"Well sorry for breathing!" He said sarcastically.

"So you should be." I replied, "The air was beginning to smell rather putrid." At that he had to laugh, and so did the boys after I repeated what I'd said for their benefit.

"I shall return when we are ready for you, please wait quietly." The way her mouth twitched showed that she knew that she had added the last part in vain, and she was right, for as soon as she swept from the room, her cloak making a nice swishing sound (I love cloaks, a swish, and you can catch everyone's attention, not that I need it, all I have to do to get attention, usually unwanted, is to do nothing, I swear I do nothing.

Okay, maybe fall over and jump off a couple of roofs, but that's nothing, right?)

The room erupted into chatter, mainly nervous "does my hair look okay?"s from prissy girls, and equally nervous-but-trying-to-act-manly-boys "I am so going to get into whatever house."

From what the boys had told me, Gryffindor sounded by far the best house, Slytherin sounding to evil, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff too boring.

Suddenly about ten ghosts came through the back wall, way cool.

"Oh it's the first years!" One lady ghost said, hovering above our heads, I was about to ask if I could touch her, ghosts had always been my favourite magical thing, apart from maybe dragons, when McGee came back in.

"The sorting ceremony is about to start, go on now." McGee said to the ghosts, and us, I suppose, it wasn't really all that clear.

"Form a line and follow me." McGee said, leading us into a hall with four huge tables, around which students were sitting, and lit by little floating candles. I passed my hand under one of the candles to see what was holding it up, if anything, but nothing was.

"It's magic." Remus whispered to me.

"No." I said dragging out the vowel sound to show my sarcasm.

At the top of a hall another table was standing (on legs; sorry, couldn't help myself, you know, standing? Legs?) Around which the teachers were sitting. McGee left the room, to get the troll, I reasoned, but I was amazed when she brought out a stool and a, was that a hat?

"Is she going to pull the troll out of the hat?" I asked Sirius.

"No, all we really have to do is put the hat on, damn boring really."

My shoulders slumped in disappointment, but I cheered up as soon as I realised what had happened, I had bested the boys yet again! They were obviously hoping to scare me with a spiel about fighting trolls, but instead I had looked forward to it.

Man, was I good, even when I didn't realise it.

McGee placed the hat onto the stool, and stepped back. There was an anticipating silence as we all looked at it. It was frayed and dirty, I giggled as I thought about what Petty would say if some-one told her to wear it, probably something along the lines of, 

"No way! I'll get lice! I am not putting on that, that THING until it's been properly sterilized."

It twitched and a rip opened like a black hole, and it started singing (may I add that it was more of a tuneless monotonic rap) 

"I may be old and ugly, (I agreed)

A little rough around the sides (no…note the sarcasm)

But inside this dirt and grime

Is where your future resides (Oh! A hat that tells the future! Cool…)

I may choose you for Gryffindor (Oh Damnit, it doesn't tell the future at all!)

Where the courageous pass their time

If you, like the lion, are brave at heart

Then here is where you'll shine. (well that rules me out then, I couldn't shine if my life depended on it! I'm more often covered in dirt than in light bulbs.)

Now if you actually read this,

Put a note in your post/review

I want to know how many actually

Read these things, and it'll tell me what to do.

But Ravenclaw may take you in, (Is this pot-luck?)

For if you are quick of mind (me quick of mind? The two are not normally used in the same sentence without a NOT in-between)

And, like the raven, are well equipped with wit,

Then here, true greatness, you will find. 

Fair Hufflepuff may take your fancy, (um…no)

For loyalty is a true gift, (again, no)

But not many in these dark times will it possess,

To set the gift adrift. (What the, that makes no sense! The hat must be getting slightly senile)

In Slytherin you must possess deceit, (hm…does pranking mean deceit? Does that mean I'm evil? Owies, too much thinking hurts my brain)

Cunning, wickedness and lies, 

The dark times now upon us, (Dark times, now that's slightly creepy, warnings from a hat?)

Slytherins will be the first to be despised. (Snort, no kidding.)

But no need to be frightened,

Just be cautious, and well planned,

Enough of this, though,

Try me on, and I'll tell you where you stand. (I know where I stand thankyou very much! ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD! Of course.)

All of the teachers and students around the tables were staring at the hat in open mouthed astonishment; I guess that's the first time the hat's issued a warning.

McGee was the first to snap out of the daze, she walked forward with a long roll of parchment in her hands. 

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted." She called to us.

"Abbot, Terry." She called, and a pale faced boy stumbled up to the hat, plonking it on his head.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" The hat yelled, after a moment's hesitation.

I zoned out again, once more thinking of the bunnies for a couple of minutes, until I saw Sirius push past me and swagger up to the front.

"Gryffindor!" The hat yelled, and cheering erupted from the side of the room. I cheered along with James, and zoned out yet again.

This time I tuned back in when I heard whispers, something was wrong.

"For the last time! Branwell, Liane!" McGee said, her face going slightly pink.

I sucked in my breath, of course! A boarding school she couldn't tell me about, because she thought I was a muggle! Excitement building up inside me I yelled out

"She's not called Liane! Call 'er Lee!"

At the edge of my vision a fast moving, black haired bullet came straight towards me, I braced myself, just in time, any later and I would've fallen over.

"LILY!" She yelled, hugging me.

"Gerroff!" I said, pushing her arms off my waist, sounding angrier than I really was, "You're making a scene."

"So?"

"So true." I replied.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Didn't think I was gonna leave you all on your lonesome did you?" I said with a wicked grin. She considered this with a tilt of her head, a trait she had abducted from me.

"As a matter of fact, yes." She said.

I glared at her, making her laugh.

"And why didn't you tell me you were coming here." I asked her, faking hurt.

"Oh I dunno." She said airily. "Mum forbade it."

"So if mum told you to jump off a cliff without me, you would do it?" I asked her.

"You know I wouldn't do that!"

"I do?"

"Yes, remember when we did that, with the cool parachuty things."

"Uh…no."

"You and your selective memory." She said, shaking her head.

"What happened?" I asked her, see Lee was usually my memory; I have a very bad memory, since I don't remember anything I don't want to, like homework, or having to tidy my room. I can always remember the date for pranks though, and the time and place, but even some enjoyable things I forget. Like when I'm meeting Lee, she usually has to come and get me, 'cos I sometimes forget. 

Okay, usually forget.

"The parachute didn't work." She said.

"Why not?" I asked

"Because we made it out of paper." She said.

"Ah, wait, I think I'm getting something." I said, concentrating hard on the memory about to emerge. Lee kept quiet, but McGee didn't.

"If your little reunion is quite finished." She said.

"Aw, Damnit! I was about to remember!" I said. 

She had ruined my train of thought. 

Everyone laughed like it was all a huge joke, but Lee and I didn't, both of us knowing that I hadn't been joking. 

Kind of good that I know when I'm joking isn't it?

"I'm a' coming" Lee said, going up to the hat and putting it on lopsided.

"Gryffindor!" The hat yelled, okay, that's it, I'm getting into Gryffindor no matter what it takes. 

After a while she (McGee) called:  
 

"Evans, Lily."

So I walked up to hat and placed it on my head, it settled somewhere on my shoulders, curse my stupid small head. 

Nothing happened, so I started whistling a Christmas song, and muffled laughter started up from the hall, seeming at first to come just from the middle of the teachers table, where I was sure Remus had pointed out the headmaster to me, must be some wacko headmaster.

"Nice whistling." A voice said in my brain, it was almost like I had lost control of the little voices in my head.

"No, I'm the hat." It said. 

Interesting, a multi-talented hat, singing, lice giving, and talking,

"I see you want to go with your friends, I don't have lice, by the way." It said, so the hat wasn't future telling, but it was mind reading, seemed like a pretty funky hat. 

"Ravenclaw might be good for you, but no, you're too adventurous" 

I grinned at that.

"Only one place for it then, GRYFFINDOR!" The last was said to the hall, and I stood up, dropping the hat on the floor, and walking over to where Lee and Sirius were sitting, and talking.

"You know one another?" I asked, as they clapped for me, I acknowledged the applause with a bow.

"Yep," Sirius said "We're cousins, we only met briefly."

"Coolio." I said, knowing by the way Lee was grinning at him that the meeting had been prank orientated, and that Lee had bested him, we'd never met a person that could best us before, and weren't likely to any time soon.

"Nice whistling, by the way." Lee said, grinning.

"Shuddup, you." I replied, smacking her on the head, with my hand, I'd missed her teasing, I realised, which is really quite sadistical, when you think about it.

"So what did you do to Siri-baby?" I asked her.

"I did the old paint in a bucket." She said, I grinned, that was something we'd made up together to use on boys that thought they were better than us in the pranking department. It rubbed salt in the wound when they learnt that we were girls, kind of stupid really, but hey, that's boys for you.

"Pink or blue?" I asked her

"Luminous yellow." She said in reply, I laughed aloud, and sat down next to her, slinging an arm over her shoulder, which she pushed off with a yelp. Yup, definitely her, she hated anyone touching her, it was really funny actually.

"Just checking it was you." I mumbled, as she glared at me.

"What's so funny?" asked Sirius, not wanting to miss out on anything.

"Just that you would've had luminous yellow skin for a week, or two." I said, grinning at him.

"You had a hand in that? That was brilliant!" Sirius said, admiringly. In actual fact it wasn't all that complex, which was what made it so brilliant, all it was were two buckets tied to one another with string, each filled with paint. The person brought down the first obvious bucket, not looking at the less obvious bucket that they then pulled down on their head.

"What was," Remus said sitting down next to us, we had missed him getting sorted, but I was glad he'd gotten into Gryffindor.

"Remember when I was yellow and I told you it was a girl?"

"Yup."  
  


"It was them." Sirius said, jabbing a thumb in our direction.

"No kidding?"

"It's a small world." Lee and I said in unison.

"That's freaky." Sirius said, staring at us.

"What is?" We said innocently, we could talk together whenever we wanted; it freaked most people out, which amused us endlessly.

"Stop it!" Sirius said

"Hell no!" We replied, laughter bubbling up, threatening to spill.

"Potter, James." McGee said, making us swivel our heads in her direction.

"Oh look!" Remus said, "James is up!"

"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat yelled almost immediately.

We cheered loudly, and then the boys and Lee filled me in on quidditch, exciting me. I loved trying out new sports, and I'd always wanted to fly, so a combination of the two was excellent in my opinion. Slowly quiet spread through the hall, and Lee and I looked at one another.

"AND IT GOT STUCK UP HIS BUTT!" We yelled, filling the empty silence, we relaxed into helpless laughter.

"Now, I was going to say welcome, but after that rather amusing performance," The headmaster said, and we got up to take a bow, still laughing, just glad the separation we had feared didn't have to happen. As we sat down he continued: "I think we should just move straight on to the feast."  
  
We all cheered loudly, and tucked into the food that had just appeared in front of us. Now that's strange, magically appearing food. Oh well, I'm not complaining, any food is good food.

After Lee and I had finished our food, and we were among the last to do so, we looked sadly at the food still left in front of us. Slowly a grin blossomed on my face.

"Hmm…" I said, lee turned to look at me, she grinned too once she saw what I was thinking.

"What are you two up to?" Remus asked suspiciously, he was the most perceptive of the bunch.

"Never let it be said that we were ones to waste food." We intoned solemnly; it was a ritualistic phrase that was used by us on certain occasions.

"Hey James, don't look at me!" I said, and of course, as dumb as he was, he turned around. "Don't say I didn't warn you!" I flipped my spoon of mash into his face. I grinned as he wiped the mash off of his glasses, and frowned at me.

"This, means, war!" He said, upending a bowl of gravy on my head.

"Sorry" I whispered to James with an Arnold Swazzenager type accent. "Put me on hold, I'll be back." 

I joined Lee in the chorus of "FOOD FIGHT!" And we chucked food at random people. Cheers and laughter filled the air, but the teachers didn't look to happy. 

Getting an idea I chucked a portion of steak at the headmaster, who looked straight at me as I pointed to Lee, looked shocked and yelled "Lee! Honestly, throwing food at the headmaster!" She turned and glared at me, as I put a pie right into her face.

"I'M GONNA POUND YOU FOR THAT ONE!" She yelled, as I took off, weaving my way through the crowd.

Of course, knowing me, I couldn't run away without falling over at least once, so accordingly, I slipped unintentionally on some gooey green stuff, which I saw the head-master had spouting out of his wand.

Uh! He did that on purpose! Whoever heard of a headmaster that gets their own back on students? 

Lee caught up to me just as I was scrambling up, and smothered my face in chocolate mud cake.

I just stood there, licking it off.

"Mmm…" I said laughingly, she narrowed her eyes and I said "Well it's your fault! You should have chosen your cake more appropriately!"

"True." She said, and then her face split into a grin. 

Uh oh.

I had just started to run when she caught me full in the face with carrot cake.

"Ha-ha, so very funny." I said dryly, wiping it off.

"Well, looks like carrot head just got some carrot cake!" She said, before laughing manically and zooming off. I rolled my eyes at her; I wouldn't give her the pleasure of the chase. Instead I looked up to the teachers table, and grinned at what I saw. Dumbledore was throwing with the best of them, and a couple other teachers had joined in, in fact, the only one not out and about (either joining in on the fun, or issuing detentions) was McGee, who was sitting in her chair, head in hands, muttering to herself. I tutted, "Talking to oneself is the first sign of madness." I told her, walking up.

She looked up at me "Oh really?"

I nodded affirmative.

"Well then, I'm sure you'll be quite willing to write a thousand word essay on why it wouldn't be mad of me to teach you."

"Of course." I said, although it would be a helluva lot easier to state why she WAS mad for teaching me. 

But anyway, I didn't really care about the punishment; after all you shouldn't do the crime if you're not willing to do the crime.

"Tata!" I said, spotting Lee looking for me.

Thinking quickly I grabbed a pitcher of pumpkin juice and poured it all over her unsuspecting head.

Revenge is sweet.

"Ack!" She spluttered, jumping about a foot into the air.

I couldn't help my self, I just burst out laughing. She was drenched head to toe in pumpkin juice, orange stuff that dyes anything it touches.

"Oh, I'm good." I said, recovering as I dodged her swat.

After a while things calmed down enough so that teachers could break up the fight, and with a wave of the headmasters wand, the hall was brought back to its magnificent self. With a groan, everyone stopped throwing food, and we all sang the school song.

It was a good school song; apart from the fact that we could sing it to any tune we wanted, ending in a clash of tunes that would have made any one wish to become deaf. Lee and I sang to 

"We all live in a yellow submarine" – our favourite song, at the moment.

 After singing our lovely song, we followed the prefects (marked with a 'P', just as I'd expected) up to our dorms.

"Um. Lee?"  I asked, once we had showered, changed and climbed into the four poster (and needless to say, bouncy) beds.

"Yup?" She said softly, we were the only ones awake, the other girls had gone to sleep without the customary introductions, so I guess they didn't like the food fight, either that or they were tired.

Maybe both.

"Why do the pictures move?"

She laughed softly. "They do that in this world."

"But then, why didn't they move at your house?"

"They do, when you're not around."

"Isn't it hard for them to keep still?" I asked.

She laughed again, and replied "You do ask the strangest questions."

***

I so, onto the boring stuff, first, to my utterly charming reviewers, welcome, one and all to (what is likely to be) the most random L/J fan fiction you will ever find.

B ER /B – very nice penname, does it refer to emergency room, (where the sane people go to have doctoring – ruling me out completely) or some other random acronym? I'm glad you find it funny; this is the point of this story, to bring fun and laughter to everyone's day, and as it is slightly hard to give a reply to a review without writing more to my story (and not go against my second rule of writing – no chapters that are just authors notes – I hate those, don't you?) it is probable that I have written (and/or typed) more.

B Quiggles /B - I'm glad you love my story, I'll pass it on, just for the record though, it is not available, it is actually married to /I Best Enemies I by Snowflakey, and has an occasional fling with /I Love lies Lightly I *completed for anyone that wants to know* by Ceso. Don't tell, or my story will creep up on me one stormy night and murder me in my bed, the thunder drowning out the sounds of my screams. You obviously know by now that your thoughts were right, unless you enjoy reading the story back to front, reading the boring stuff first, and the story upside down.

B Snowflakey /B - If you 'luv' me, you die, seriously. I didn't know you were a pendulum, and frankly, I didn't (and still don't) want to. As before, I am writing more, for obvious reasons, namely that it's Saturday, and I have nothing better to do, because you have a stupid Physi competition, and aren't coming over for the mega-sleepover I had planned for you and thorny over there. I am sincerely glad that you rate my story as 'good' on the 'snowflakeys wonderful, magical, story writing scale.' Does this chapter get up to 'excellent'? I hope so, but namely I hope you laughed at least once, that's all I really care about. Wether you were laughing at or with me doesn't really matter.

B Thorns and Roses /B - Hay is for horses, not humans. Yes, Starborn's my name; I didn't think you felt the need to broadcast it. Of course I'm going to keep going; you're not going to get rid of me that easily. Lay off the exclamation mark key, it'll wear down if you use it that much. I'll ignore that criticism; it's called constructive criticism for a reason. And you've abducted my way to write (type) my name; you are such a copy-cat. When are you going to post your story? It had better be soon.

B … /B - Yes, Lily is British, they come from Scotland (my home), which is part of Great Britain.

B Anonymous /B - glad you're beginning to 'luv' this 'fic'. It needs 'luv'ing, but hopefully its' 'luv'er can provide that for it.

B Smudged /B - another cool penname, I'm guessing 'wo' is a good thing, and you're guess was only one chapter off, not bad. I'm glad you love it; my story's beginning to sound a little like a pizza though. I'm also glad you find it funny, whether you laughed at the intentionally funny parts, or the unintentional doesn't matter at all, to me, just glad you laughed at all, to be fair.

B pfeffernusseCOOKIe024 /B - very nice penname, not to sound evil, but what in hells bells name does it mean? Cookies are cool, in fact, any food with a little sugar in them are cool, and 024 is also good, as 24 is the date of my birthday, but pfeffernusse doesn't make any sense to me. Your question was answered in the last chapter, if you took the time to read it, and I see I'm also a 'good' on your scale. I'm trying for excellent with this chapter, though, so rate me again.

B Musicizdbest /B thankyou for taking the time to read my new story, I really appreciate how faithful you are, and the loving thing, on my part, is getting old, so I'm just going to ignore it. I suppose repetitiveness means you want a thing more, so I have continued, and now you can continue to keep reading for a little while, at any rate. Do you know what P.S stands for? It annoys me endlessly, as I have no idea. Pink is a putrid colour, its not a natural colour, nothing in nature is pink, apart from the pink dolphin (two words that should never be in the same sentence, but yes, unfortunately there is a species of dolphin that is coloured pink) so yes, I agree with the fact that it was invented, and I would like to now officially announce that the cruel person that invented pink should be shot, unless it was God, because God also created the Dolphin, and that more than makes up for it. I am, actually, not a prankster (shock, horror) I mean, not at school. I prank my friends on April Fools, and my brother all the time, but I need to get good marks in school, so I don't do pranks at school. Technically, I don't have the guts, which is why all of my characters in my fics do. My characters are basically who I want to be, kinda sad, but true.

B Shanana /B - is your name of any relation to banana?  Yes Lily is completely hyper, it was actually meant to be like that, amazingly enough, most of my fics just develop into things I don't want them to develop into, but so far, this one is actually under control!

B Ceso /B - I'm glad I wrote a WOT ficcy too. The books are really good, but I've only read nine, I can't seem to get enough time in book stores to read it, and mum won't buy it for me. You're not horrible, in fact, I think you are the only person to review to all of my stories, no one seems to have read the WOT books, kinda sad actually. Happy typing to you too, I'm waiting for an update on the sequel *checks watch* still waiting…lol.

Wow, that's the end that took a while, anyway, now for the disclaimer:

Disclaimer

Lee belongs to me, so does the non-existent plot, and the invisible money in my piggy bank, note the fact that since it's invisible, there is no point suing me (hint, hint JKR)

Oh yes, one last thing, if anyone can find a thing that I kind of stole off of a certain magazine, put it in your review, you'll get a s-m in the next chapter!

© Copyright 2003 Starborn (Fan fiction UserID: 290840). All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of Starborn.


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